Anonymity
Sometimes ministry is no fun.
I’m not one to complain (publicly) about the frustrating aspects of ministry but this week a few things have come up and as I’ve wrestled with the impact on me personally I thought I’d put some thoughts out there.
This week I received a “comment card” about a message that I gave about a month ago. The commenter was a bit upset with the fact that I used some lyrics from a secular song to illustrate the idea that everyone, whether they know Christ or not, longs for the world that will be after God restores His creation. The commenter made two insinuations that I had allowed Satan to twist God’s word through the sermon I had written.
While I am a tad bit frustrated with the fact that because they don’t agree with my sermon or the use of a certain song’s lyrics within it I must clearly be aligned with Satan – a pastor gets used to those kinds of accusations – my real issue is with the anonymity that this person chose to hide behind. When you chose to withhold your name you guarantee that you have a chance to say what you want to say without ever having to talk through the issue you have or even give the person you’re criticizing a chance to respond. In most walks of life this kind of thing would be considered a cheap shot but somehow in church people assume they have the right to say these things without any other conversation.
If I were reading this post I would think “that guy’s just mad because someone accused him of being in partnership with Satan,” but honestly it’s more than that. In reality I see church as a community (maybe even a family) and the only way that community stands the test of time is if we speak the truth to each other in love and that’s just not possible with anonymous notes.
So do the body of Christ a favor and be honest and open with everyone so that we can represent Christ as we’re called to do – together.
Having received my fair share of anonymous notes over the years (including several that did more than suggest I was in league with satan), I have two practices/suggestions.
1. Throw it away before you read it — anyone who uses anonymity to make “suggestions” lacks the biblical integrity necessary to foster the community we’re after. This is the rhetorical version of a drive by, and it should be thrown in the garbage where it belongs.
2. Ask yourself if there might be some reason why someone may not feel safe coming to you personally & make changes (if necessary) to the way you solicit feedback.
Them’s my two cents.
Oh, and one other thing: I once had an 85-year-old lady tell me that if I didn’t get negative feedback like this from time to time I probably wasn’t preaching grace hard enough. Paul got flamed periodically. Jesus got himself crucified for failing to behave the way the religious establishment thought he should. You’re in pretty good company, I’d say.
What about if someone wants to anonymously tell you you’re awesome?
I’m not a pastor but I get the same sort of thing sometimes, talked about it here.
http://blog.beliefnet.com/stuffchristianculturelikes/2009/05/80-leaving-perturbed-comments-and-signing-them-anonymous.html
Sadly, in the business world, this type of feedback gets delivered as well. I’ve been on the receiving end of “anonymous constructive criticism” and my main issue is that I feel it’s unethical.
As you pointed out, you can’t talk with this person to find out what the core issue is… so how are you to “improve”? And isn’t that — improvement — the ultimate goal of the person providing the feedback? Of course, that assumes the best of intentions…
Speaking from experience, anonymous feedback can have a cooling effect (if you let it) because it makes you second guess what you say and who you say it to. In your position, that kind of self-doubt is like a cancer. You just have to let it go (I know, easier said than done).
And if he/she is offering the comment to just get a dig in, that also speaks to his/her character (or lack thereof). In that case, not taking the comment to heart is definitely the right thing to do.